2023: In Retrospect

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So what happened? Finally did a road trip with my best bud. Lost a girlfriend. Lost a boss. Met new friends (thought they could be) and lost them as well on the same night (probably good riddance). Got into a really shitty situation (smh). Met my family— twice (woohoo) through trips to Hongkong and Japan (something positive for a change). Got pissed off at my greedy ex-wife (I’m calm now). And because of that, my sister and I weren’t on the same page about values (bless her heart). Just when I thought I’m done learning, 2023’s lessons are nothing but perspective-changing. So now the Mike of 2018 is back— but extra depressed and sprinkled with a spoonful of lameness. What a loser. Also, I’m one IG and FB profile less. Finally bid adieu to social media. That’s pretty recent, so let’s see how I’m holding up. My calvary has just begun and not to be a pessimist here, but I already wish 2024 is done.

LESSON # 1: PERSISTENCE IS KEY BUT PEE ALONG THE WAY

My best friend Howard migrated here in the US since 2017 and would you believe we haven’t had one road trip together? All the invites I’ve asked didn’t materialize, every single one of them. Not because he didn’t want to, but his wife is a strange woman. There’s always an issue if he is going out with anyone, including me (actually especially me), let alone be out for a few nights outside city premises. Mind you, she’s invited to join all the time but for whatever reason, Howard’s going out with friends is almost taboo. Anyway, I was having “thoughts” with my current relationship during this time so I told Howard that I needed to get away, get out of the house for a few days and perhaps the fresh air can give me a better perspective. This was mid-February, and Dexter was about to celebrate his birthday at the latter part of March. I asked him if he wanted to go visit Dexter up north, ask Joffree to come over and us four celebrate Dex’s special day. At this point I’ve learned not to keep my hopes up because I know the result would just be the same as always, though it never stopped me from asking. He would say yes like other instances but usually at the last minute, he would retract. There was about a week left before our planned trip (which is the cut off for these decisions) and so far, no retraction. So I told Howard he better not bail on me on the last day because that would really be douchey of him. He said, “Nope I won’t. With or without Jen (his wife), we are pushing through.” Okay Big Boy, then let’s go do it! And so for the first time in 6 years, we’ve finally embark on our first road trip together— Los Angeles to Lathrop! We stopped about an hour into the drive. Did our bladder break, our (little did I know) only bladder break of the 5-6 hour trip. Due to the extreme amount of rain last winter, the fields along Interstate 5 were crisp green. I’ve never seen them as green like this. You can smell how fresh the air is out in Central California. Damn Howard is lucky to witness this scenery on a first long drive. Happy for him. We managed to get to our destination but our kidneys were about to burst by the time we got to Dex’s. Needless to say though, it was a fabulous weekend trip!

LESSON # 2: AS TINA SAYS, “WHAT’S LOVE GOTTA DO WITH IT?”

I learned that love is not all that matters in a relationship. Great if you are but it does not equate to longevity. I actually know this already but this year it meant more. And I say this only because I’m old and my perspective of life is way more exceeding. Trust, respect, seeing eye-to-eye for the most part and making sound decisions together are way more important for me. And if you have those and love that person on top of it, then you got yourself a relationship that’s build to last. I walked away from a relationship just because I didn’t want this person to change. She is beautiful in so many ways and her personality is great as it is. But I needed trust, I needed some space. I don’t need my love to be questioned because I’ve done nothing to put that love in jeopardy. Not a single bit. And despite me not believing in long-distance relationships, I gave it a shot. Yet I am told that I’m not loving her right. I walked away alright but the door was immediately shut the moment I stepped out. How is it possible that you say you love someone yet love another in the shortest amount of time? It took me awhile to figure it out, but when I did, I realized it wasn’t love she was feeling for me after all. How can you be in someone else’s arms that quick if you still love the person you left behind? The answer is, you never truly loved the person you left behind. Whatever she was feeling that time with me must’ve been something else. And I forced myself to believe in that until it is the only thing I truly believed in. For my emotions were real, probably a lot more real than hers. I was waiting for that moment to see her again after saying that it was over, that her presence, which I have time and again said completely overpowers my logical self, would just change my mind. That the so-called love would do it’s magic. But that moment happened, seeing each other after several months and she was not there. She was there but she was not the one I love. I lost her. It was only then when I put the pieces together, realizing there had been someone else. In all fairness, she has all the right to move on. I just thought it’s not supposed to be that soon. I was clearly mistaken. She obviously wanted no piece of us back. I don’t blame her. I was the douche who left her in the first place so I deserve it. Fair is fair. So there I was trying to close a chapter that I wasn’t ready to close. It was hard to let her presence just fade away but it did. I felt stupid at one point. Me, whom she said didn’t love her the right way, but who actually did. And she, who was all-in on love that wasn’t even true. It’s a good thing she helped, unknowingly, to make it easy for me to move on. And now I am stoic. I don’t miss her anymore. Gosh, I really did move on and it’s about damn time.

LESSON # 3: MOVE TO TEXAS OR BUST???

My boss tapped me in the shoulder and told me to meet him and Randy in the conference room across our office. Then leisurely announces that he’s accepting another job and leaving our company. Boom! And just like that a hundred questions just ran inside my head. Am I gonna be the interim lead while HR finds a replacement? Whose doing all the meetings? And the reports? I was panicking for no reason. Or was there reason? As the news spread that James was leaving, most of the meeting invites were getting directed to me. James is endorsing me the reports that he used to do which were extremely tedious to prepare. My scope of work suddenly widened in true corporate fashion. I told my VP that I’m throwing my name into the candidate pool for James’ replacement and he was happy I did. But then comes the curve ball. In order to get the job, you have to move to Frisco. Nope, not San Francisco but Frisco in Texas. Had this been 8-10 years ago, I would’ve done it in a heartbeat. But considering I’m getting a bit old and concerned about the aches and pains that comes with aging, not knowing anyone there at all, I pulled my name out of the hat. Both Supervisors Randy and Andrew were also offered to apply and neither one didn’t want to. Not at first. A week after, the tide had change. Randy said he’ll be applying. And just like that I have a new boss. I’m not worried about him, just the fact that slowly but surely our team is getting migrated out to the Midwest. Is it an indication of things to come? The LA building’s lease ends in 2026, the same year the Metro Purple Line opens with a station right in front of the building. Impeccable timing. Will we be forced to move our asses out then to the Lone Star state? Scary thought.

LESSON # 4: IF IT’S MEANT TO HAPPEN, IT’S MEANT TO HAPPEN

I got into a really life-changing situation about the start of fall. Thanks to two ladies who I thought were worthy acquaintances but turns out to be, well, for lack of a better word, sneaky. That was our first and last meeting, probably for the best. Got involved into something that I deserve to be in but was in denial that it would never happen to me. Yet it did and in as much as I want to elaborate on it here, I just can’t. I’m not ready, is the truth. Let’s just say I’ve changed my ways and it clearly gave me a different perspective of things. How we take for granted the privileges we have in life. It’s now the burden I have to take in 2024. In all honesty, I’m glad it happened the way it happened. Otherwise it could’ve happen a lot worst. I’m not prepared for it nor do I know how to overcome it. All I know is that I’m no longer worried. I’ve worried way too much about it to the point that it is messing my entire disposition. So now, I gave up worrying. Yeah, I actually did. I’m not being careless or anything and I’m still mindful of what I do, it’s just that I don’t get anxious anymore of the uncertainty and the what-do-I-do’s. I mean I still worry at times naturally (I’m still human the last time I’ve checked) but now I immediately debunk the feeling. This same incident led to me getting so pissed at my ex-wife for being ruthless. I had so much respect for her for so long but her greediness would be her downfall, I’m certain of it. This also resulted in me and my Sister just not being on the same page when it comes to our beliefs. But all is good. My anger with my ex has tamed down though I still think she is greedy, and my Sister, well I can’t get mad at her for believing on what she thinks is right. Besides, she’s my only Sister. I can’t be truly mad at her. Speaking of my Sister, on the upside of things, I did meet up with her and my folks more than I expected this year. Even made blogs about those trips. To be very honest, I couldn’t fully appreciate those moments. I mean I was genuinely happy to be with them but because this was in the middle of the issue I was going through, a part of me was not there. The weight of my ordeal was too overbearing for me to just completely shut off. But I’m still happy to see everyone. Family truly is home.

LESSON # 5: MISS OUT, IT’S ALL GOOD

And yes, as of press time, I’m no longer in Instagram or Facebook. Deactivated those suckers. I won’t know anymore where the last place Mark visited or how Denise was blown away by the latest pastry discovery she had. I’ll admit, SocMed is very helpful finding places to go to but guess what? So is YouTube. I would probably be the last person in the planet now to find out when Swelce is no longer a couple. And you know what, I am absolutely fine with it. I would not be connected to people that took so long to get reacquainted with, which is a bit bittersweet but nothing I can’t survive. It’s liberating actually. Remember, I’m no longer worried. I feel bad for not being able to greet people on their birthdays anymore or miss out on posts of great quotes. But life outside social media is more intimate. Your circle gets tight. I’m just a few days out and so far I’m not itching at all to log back in. Besides, I’m not fully off the grid. I still got Messenger on (by necessity to be clear). I’m curious though if I ever would come back. Gotta feeling I won’t, but never say never.

2023 has been another challenging year and 2024, I’m gonna be very silent in life. I have to. Hope your fate is better than mine so you can cherish the Year of the Dragon. Nah, I’m fine. Just can’t wait for 2025, that’s all. And since this blog is now my social media, and despite what I feel about 2024, I still want to greet you all a Happy New Year! Thanks for getting to this point. You are the only one I’m looking forward to this new year. I mean it. Keep listening to music, watch old movies and read on people.

The photo says it all!