Logic Vs Feelings

Article 030.

Which one are you? Are you the forlorn romantic who never gets deterred by heartaches and continues their quest to freely find the "right one"? Or are you easily alarmed by the "red flags" that you notice when meeting someone, methodically thinking every issue that may arise from it? Aaahhh the perennial debate on which one is the better stance. Today we tackle it.

There are so many articles and videos and countless discussions already out there covering this topic. But I have not watched or read any of those to ensure that my objectivity is not influenced or swayed to one side over the other. And if you know me and would be inclined to think that I am gonna be biased based on what side I fall into, I promise to be as non-partisan as I can. Who knows, I may even take a different disposition at the end of this. Also, there's a lot of factors that lead to one person being a romantic or a thinker, such as upbringing, their environment, genes, et al. But for purposes of this article, this is not a deep dive into things. So don't gimme the "that's unfair" or the "that's not true" argument because I never considered these elements or have done enough research. Not to say you can't argue entirely, but I'm just saying.

To start this, can we all agree that we all started out as hopeless romantics? Our first concept of admiration was back in grade school-- the girl with the long hair or the boy with the cute smile. Remember them? We had no idea what it entails except that we have a crush on someone and we just want to get their attention (for the extrovert) or admire them from afar (for the introvert). This extrovert-introvert difference is also a great discussion. Part 2 maybe?  But the real test is when we finally "fall in love" for the very first time. There lies the birth of our truest form of being helplessly and woefully devoted to romance. Absolutely no thought process, just good ole feelings running through every vein in your body. Since this is the inaugural, there is nothing to look back to. You have not experienced any heartache yet. No previous relationship to compare notes with. The canvass is blank and you're currently drawing on it. But after that first one ends, is when the path breaks into two.

THE LOGICAL THINKER (LT)

It doesn't necessarily take just one or two failed relationships before a person becomes guarded. The romantic, in the beginning would be, but it wouldn't take much for that person to ignore all the signs and just succumb to the feeling. Sometimes no hesitation at all. On the other hand, the LT would always be hesitant. Would not even step a foot forward if some of the basic questions they have is not answered to their satisfaction. In fact, a lot of the logical thinkers are misconstrued for missing out on love because their wall is just too steep to climb over. It's almost like having and completing a checklist first before you even get to the actual relationship. A bit overwhelming especially for the opposite side but this is why most of the LTs save themselves from further failure. The idea of being alone and not experiencing love again as supposed to having another heartache is a completely valid option. Their peace matters more than love. And there are a lot of single people in this world who found love in themselves and are truly happy, most especially those who have been victims of multiple failed relationships. To experience the pain or just the mere thought of potentially getting hurt yet again is not worth the risk. This is not to say that they are incapable of experiencing selfless and passionate love. But if the LT does engage on a possible partner, there is much to untangle. However, once you get there, after all the components have been considered and weighed in, you have unlocked the romantic in that person and rest assured the total commitment that a relationship deserves. Plus, here's a controversial take on this-- the success factor is extremely high compared to the other side given that all angles have been discussed, maybe even addressed already at some point. But please, prove me wrong.

THE HOPELESS ROMANTIC (HR)

Seems like the HR is unfazed when it comes to love and heartaches. The only thing that would stop them from yielding to the matters of the heart is when they truly have no more love to give. And I tell you they have a lot to give. Most of the HRs are perennially HRs and essentially at some point, if the heartaches have been aplenty, would evolve into someone who gets into a relationship that is "good enough" but would never go over the other side and become an LT (another prove me wrong line). It is almost impossible for the HR not to share love with someone even at the gravest of instances. It's in their DNA. The moment the HR is attracted to you or becomes devoted, there is almost a guarantee that anything or everything about you and your past would truly not matter. Unless of course you are a serial killer, have a credit score of 300 or involved in some extremely hideous predicament, then maybe there would be some hesitation on the HR's part. Sometimes even that can be ignored. It is not that the HR is oblivious to pain nor stupid to not know when to stop. In fact they hurt pretty hard because they love pretty hard. It's because there is no other way to experience love for them but just to go all out. No in-betweens. You either in it or you out. And isn't that supposed to be the ways of romance? In as much as I want to disagree, it is the truth.

So which one are you Mike? Isn't it obvious already? I mean I love the play of words and have a blog, all-things mental. But quick reveal, there was a time when I was all HR with someone. And I say this with no exaggeration that it was purely and insanely emotional. My brain stood no chance. But after that, after getting totally emotionally drained and heart-broken, it solidified my stance as an LT.  For the very first time in my life, I was by myself, afraid to be alone. Afraid to die alone. It took over a year for me to finally recover. When I started focusing on me and accepting that being single is a great option, I knew romance would be difficult to attain. But I had no care in the world. Peace over love.

This recent trip up north with Howard to visit Dexter and celebrate his birthday again is becoming a tradition (second straight year). It was great seeing everyone including Joffree and family. The conversations were priceless and right now I can tell you who's on Team LT and Team HR. Me, Dex and Girlie (Joff's wife)-- Team LT with Girlie maybe passing for a hybrid. Howard and Tin (Dex's wife) is Team HR. I can't really pinpoint where Joffree falls into but if I'm making a guess, it would be HR. It's amazing how people's point of views are when it comes to this topic. You can never tell which side is better. Which is a lie because the best side is... the side you are with. You are that way because of your past relationships or your life experiences. It's how you feel inside about someone and up to what extent do you want to pursue that person or the relationship. But if you are unhappy on where you're currently situated in, then maybe it's time for you to jump fence and give the other side much needed consideration. Just like what I'm doing. And thanks to my best bud who's a full-pledged HR and for throwing me what could be the defining line of my life right now-- "What have you got to lose?"-- I maybe headed to my last shot at love AND peace. Still too soon to say but progressing really strong. I'm worrying and asking less, and feeling a lot more. Not shabby for an LT to have a little HR in them huh?

But let me ask again, so which one are you?

The Cold Summer Nights Group
(L-R) Kiefer, Girlie, Joffree, Howard, Me, Tia, Tin, Dexter (Missing: Howard’s wife Jen and my +1 haha)