HIP. HIS. SIP.

Article 007.

 

Like most men, I think I am programmed to take the beating. I like to take the pain in clandestine fashion. It’s almost an Augean task but the expectation is I’m a guy, so I just shrug it off like sweat off my skin. Everything should be fine after that, no biggie. As if I was built to endure the hurt within my own confines and that reaching out for help is almost taboo to an extent. There was a time I did feel that way and I coped in different ways. There are some who are highly motivated, who would still go through their routine— chores, gym, work. The mental toughness on these people, iron-clad. While the opposite would drink their guts out, play endless Call of Duty or just do nothing but stare into the beyond. I was the latter before the former. A few years back I thought the world was collapsing on me. Except for a trusted few, nobody knew my actual struggle. It is absolutely demoralizing. Depression was real. Good thing I am a socialist, jolly to a degree, my outlet was to reach out. Not necessarily to air out my issues but to kill time and keep my mind off the pain. But there are times when people ignore you, mainly because they don’t know your intentions. Your messages just left unread, or read but no response, or worst completely deleted like spam mail on their inbox. Women always think you are trying to hit on them while other men think you’re over-dramatic. So I can see why the depressed are always on the disadvantage. That’s why I empathize to the reticent. I try to respond back to people who reaches out. When I can, I try to be available for someone, anyone actually. Not because I got nothing to do, but because I know how it feels to be ignored. To ask for a lifeline when you need one and not get any. Purely disheartening. But no shame in hurting in private. In all honesty, it really is the way to go.

But you will heal. Gradually. You realize watching Friends on your own is okay. You now meal prep for yourself and for yourself only. The schedule is what you make of it. The fear of the job loss will turn into motivation to pursue another or maybe pivot to a totally different career. Who knows, you could end up as Mr. February on the firefighter calendar of 2024. You miss Mom who recently died but you would somehow think of ways how to celebrate her instead, even if takes years. Your memories of her will stay as you move on. Jenny has moved on, and so will you. You’ve always thought she was the one but she’s already in someone else’s arms. Suck it up. But you do this completely off the radar, this medicating of your heart. You gather yourself up while people around speculate. You will realize, you don’t give a shit because drama has no place in your late 40s (wait, that’s just me). If you’re young, you’ll go completely insane. For everything that other people say still affects you. You got a long ways to go. For now you patch that wound, not entirely and not that sudden. You let the pain stew for a bit knowing that trying too hard and too soon is a band-aid solution. You gotta go through it. You let that pain, that disappointment, that love fade in your time. No matter how torpid you feel absolving yourself from everything, just do. Healing in silence is absolute power. Just be patient.

And lastly there’s the front. A birthday party you can no longer excuse yourself from and need to make an appearance. The timing is just so bad. You’re in a rut. But you pull yourself through. You show up and wear that birthday hat for good ole Bill. Some are just bad actors. You can see they’re in pain even with a mask on. The demeanor, the body language is a dead giveaway. But it doesn’t have to be that way. Chin up. Talk to a kid, they always have honest answers, you might get a giggle out of it. Eat a cupcake, maybe two. You’ve been going gung-ho anyway with the pizza binging so what’s another few calories. Bottomline is, don’t let the people around feast on your undertaking. They won’t understand, they’ll probably not even try to. So why give them a reason to pick on you. Smile, be bright and laugh your ass off. Just don’t fret or sulk while in public. You can do it.

And so when I read these lines on my IG feed, I knew that it was exactly me—

Hurt in Private.

Heal in Silence.

Shine in Public. 

HIP. HIS. SIP.